natesmithcomedy:

No YOU hang up. 

No, Grandma, see, I knew you were going to call… because I’m a ninja…  no, no, it’s not… no, Grandpa has been gone for ten years.  No, I just… yes, I remember the kittens.  Yes, that was a great summer.  I just… what?  No, I’m a ninja, now, Grandma…  ok.  Ok.  Ok.  Yes.  Ok.  Yes, I’ll let him know.  Ok.  Bye.  Love you too.  Bye.

natesmithcomedy:

No YOU hang up. 

No, Grandma, see, I knew you were going to call… because I’m a ninja…  no, no, it’s not… no, Grandpa has been gone for ten years.  No, I just… yes, I remember the kittens.  Yes, that was a great summer.  I just… what?  No, I’m a ninja, now, Grandma…  ok.  Ok.  Ok.  Yes.  Ok.  Yes, I’ll let him know.  Ok.  Bye.  Love you too.  Bye.

natesmithcomedy:

You mean to tell me these brownie points can’t be used to redeem actual brownies!?!?

Yes.  That is what I’m telling you.

natesmithcomedy:

You mean to tell me these brownie points can’t be used to redeem actual brownies!?!?

Yes.  That is what I’m telling you.

natesmithcomedy:

Have a Dew and a smile.

After you drink it and realize it was Mello Yello, there’s another face on the inside of the can at the bottom.

natesmithcomedy:

Have a Dew and a smile.

After you drink it and realize it was Mello Yello, there’s another face on the inside of the can at the bottom.

natesmithcomedy:

Boss: Look Bob, it sucks that you got your hand all sliced up while working in our factory. And it sucks that we’re firing you without any benefits. But look on the bright side! We’re going to honor your hard work by making your hand the symbol for Made in America!
Bob: Can I get royalties for that?
Boss: The fuck you think this is? Communist Russia?
(photo found here)

I’m just glad I don’t have hand-butthole-itis.

natesmithcomedy:

Boss: Look Bob, it sucks that you got your hand all sliced up while working in our factory. And it sucks that we’re firing you without any benefits. But look on the bright side! We’re going to honor your hard work by making your hand the symbol for Made in America!

Bob: Can I get royalties for that?

Boss: The fuck you think this is? Communist Russia?

(photo found here)

I’m just glad I don’t have hand-butthole-itis.

natesmithcomedy:

I’ve decided to call my doctor because these Anthony Weiner jokes have lasted more than 4 hours.

I think the erection was rigged.

natesmithcomedy:

I’ve decided to call my doctor because these Anthony Weiner jokes have lasted more than 4 hours.

I think the erection was rigged.

natesmithcomedy:

News that Anthony Weiner’s wife is pregnant was confirmed when the fetus tweeted a picture of its still undeveloped penis.

He was using that new social networking site, fetur.

natesmithcomedy:

News that Anthony Weiner’s wife is pregnant was confirmed when the fetus tweeted a picture of its still undeveloped penis.

He was using that new social networking site, fetur.

natesmithcomedy:

Uh oh! I just got caught in my very own weiner twitter picture scandal. I can not say without a doubt that this is a picture of my weiner mobile. I’m not even admitting that I own a weiner mobile. But I’m also not denying it.

oh I get it.

natesmithcomedy:

Uh oh! I just got caught in my very own weiner twitter picture scandal. I can not say without a doubt that this is a picture of my weiner mobile. I’m not even admitting that I own a weiner mobile. But I’m also not denying it.

oh I get it.

natesmithcomedy:

Twitpic has a new spokesman.
Thanks to finalellipsis for the assist on this one.

natesmithcomedy:

Twitpic has a new spokesman.

Thanks to finalellipsis for the assist on this one.